Picture this: you’ve been seeing someone for a while but still not had ‘the chat’, then you discover that the person you’d been falling for had actually been getting to know someone else behind your back. Sound familiar? Same.
In fact, it’s so common that in 2019, the experience was coined ‘cooking jarring’. Much like negging, retroshading, and love bombing, it’s another brutal dating phenomenon that we’ve likely all fallen victim to at one point or another. The idea is that if what (you thought) you had doesn’t work out, your love interest has another ‘cookie in the jar’, so to speak. The cookie represents a back-up plan or a security blanket, and being ‘cookie jarred’ typically happens when people are afraid of commitment or rejection. Neither of which, might we add, warrant stringing someone along.
‘Negging’ is the toxic dating trend no one asked for, but Danny on Love Island is proof that, sadly, this sort of emotional manipulation is very real
The worst bit about it is that the innocent party is usually completely blindsided. The signs might be there, but when we’re repeatedly told to have faith in love and our worth like we are, it can be hard to see them. You might find the perpetrator is suddenly so busy that they couldn’t possibly confirm a date as far ahead as next week, or maybe they’re keen to ‘do bits’, but never down for enjoying a normal day out.
The Love Island cast are, sadly, a good example. The lads might have reassured the girls they’re coupled up with as they set off for Casa Amor, but apparently those with non-official statuses didn’t think they had any loyalties to uphold.
10 signs you’re in a toxic relationship
Within hours of leaving the main villa, Liam, Tyler, Toby and Teddy, had done dirty against Millie, Kaz, Abigail and Faye – their retrospective partners.
Teddy, who locked lips with newcomer Clarisse, even went on to justify his move, as it came during a game of truth or dare. “I did feel a bit guilty,” he said. “I’m going to be honest I was thinking about my main girl at home Faye, but I know she’d want me to get involved in some way.”
Tyler, who kissed both Kaila and Amy despite being coupled up with Kaz, said: “I’m a game player, so I’m not going to shy away from it.”
Meanwhile, Jake, who recently made it official with Liberty, might’ve stayed loyal, but he was heard egging the others on, despite their couplings.
“You boys are all single men,” he said. “None of you have a label on you. A label cements that thing. With me, it definitely cements that if I was in your shoes, I’d be thinking ‘f**k it’.”
In other words, he point blank suggested that ‘cookie jarring’ is no biggie, and should be accepted.
Viewers weren’t quite so approving. Several took to Twitter to share their views. One wrote: “Split the money between the girls now! Send those musty b*****d boys home.”
In order to see this embed, you must give consent to Social Media cookies. Open my cookie preferences.
Alongside a photo of a hand making a zero, another wrote: “The faith I have in men after watching today’s episode.”
In order to see this embed, you must give consent to Social Media cookies. Open my cookie preferences.
If you find yourself in a similar position, it’s time to have the chat. If they’re unwilling to go exclusive, you’re well within your rights to ask if there is someone else. Either way, it could be time to let it go.
